Friday, March 29, 2013

Half-Past 2AM



Accidently I opened up the old notes that I wrote exactly 1 year and 10 months ago at this quiet yet muggy midnight (Yea... typical Malaysia weather)... and  it's half past 2am now... (after doing some revision for the current surgery posting stuffs...) physically the body is ready to sleep earlier than the usual for the early procedure-observation slots in the morning... but the mind just can't resist to rewind back to the time when we're together... 3years+ back... the time that we were so "naive", "innocent", yet active and "playful"... (LOL... as if we're so mature and elder now? gahhh... baaahhh... buuu... buuu... buuuuuuuuu......... )





Hmmm... thinking of how we actually started our relationship at the 1st place... hmmm... we were just passed our final exams in 1st year... ... ... ...
... ... ...then... then... after that...
and then... ... ... I was just back from my 1st post-MBBS trip at Kuching,Sarawak with 30+ of my cute-yet-lovely batchmates during the semester break... huuuh... haaa... ... ... with a sudden event that happened during the trip... a sad one... ... ... ... but your existence at my side that time... sweet... so sweet the memories... it's just like... the sugar level of the diabetic patients whose level of HbA1c are over-over-over-exceeding the normal range...or the level of sugar that can't even be detected by the glucometer and required admission urgently...

Leaned against me and I hugged you gently... in our young yet sweety age... watching the sunset... not really a beautiful one... but with you in the arms... You're like everything I want and more... Love you truly... I want nothing more than that...
a sweety teenage time... with no much worries... with such a daringness... we're kinda-shy actually... yet we're brave... the warm yet misty air on the windows... the rainy raining days... the cups of green tea... the congested traffics on the federal highway... the kind yet generous tauke-soh that treated us with some nice delicious dishes sometimes... the OOC driving skills of mine... the campus road... hitting the road-divider... ouchhh... little green car shouted... but was still protecting us...

I don't have much to offer... but I promised in my heart, you can get the best of me... forever doesn't last... but I try my best to make it last with you... Our small, stupid conversation... which mean so much more to me than you'll ever know...

My biggo-ego-megoeiness... my buffalo-stubbornness... my jealousy... I get mad... I get worried... jumbo-mumbo-limbo-bimbo... ... ...over-protective... but I trust... I really care...

Young boy me, too young us... so immature in handling the issues & situations...
Failed communication...
We cried...

Acted like never known each other before, the stupid me said "Hi"... "May I know you sweet pretty?" "Mind for me to treat you a dinner?" @___@ "Can you be mine?" Like a siao-siao's schezophrenic, I asked you... *LOL... this was terribly mad...*

"Stay, bu-she-de... " I need you***
Hiding in the room corner alone... off the room light... without sound... afraiding housemies to know that I cry... then turned keep smiling, reading the message that you send later on... burst laughing covering my tuala on face and ran out from room to washroom... lol... cleaned my face and cubit the cheek... wooopppsss... so pain...

It had been year plus half... the summer had gone... everything has gone suddenly at the same time... 21st year in my life... the 2nd pro-final... with some blessings... luckily...

Not knowing to give up or wait... then I choose let go as the 3rd option... I mean... fake smile, real tears but head up, live with it. Afraid to tell you. Then I keep a distance. I never am...

Scared of losing you... but as the going said "if two people are happy, leave them alone."... if somethign bound to happen, it will happen. Right time, right person, best reason.

It's not where we are in life anymore, but what we have by side.
Hold on. Leave it to where it will be and should be. Thankful for the people who never left.

It's not not realising it. It's just not telling you. The tinnitus were just ringing. I've said it before to you, never forever but a little bit more...
Babbling like a child. Peek-a-boo with you.

Anxious of strangers yet seeing and picking up hundreds and thousands... Simplicity yet it's not simple at all. Scared of getting too close to anyone. The hope's up then I will watch it down. The thoughts can't decode.
*Philicphobia*

I still hope but I never expect. Listen to what I mean.










  

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

同赏日落
同度雨天
同品绿茶
同困塞车

即使曾经吵架、曾经反面,
你可以
庆幸自己曾有一段美好的感情。
高兴自己仍能记得美丽的片段。
纵使此情不再,那份回忆却刻骨铭心。

曾经拥有,已是永恒。
不必惧怕爱情,但求随遇而安。
希望你找到一个可以和你携手人生的伊人。

Chee Ying said...

♥♥

Anonymous said...

so heartrending and poignant... juz like having a heartache for wad u hav experienced thru the reading of ur passage... so true n real... anyway stay strong n keep the faith, u will meet a right person at a right moment with the best reason one day. You deserve a better one.
From: someone you don't know bt will support u secretly as always

Smiley said...

4so heartrending and poignant... juz like having a heartache for wad u hav experienced thru the reading of ur passage... so true n real... anyway stay strong n keep the faith, u will meet a right person at a right moment with the best reason one day. You deserve a better one.
From: someone you don't know bt will support u secretly as always